My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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