never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
