i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
