So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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