You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
