fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
