Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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