just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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