we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
