you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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