Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
