He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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