I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
