On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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