I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My balls are so social today.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Let's get the cat blown out
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
