Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
