I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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