If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
