Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
