This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
