im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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