I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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