so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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