And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
