You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she told me i tasted like america
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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