I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
