he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
