I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
