You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
