Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
