I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
