sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
