haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
