I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize