were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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