I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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