did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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