I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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