she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize