I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
