how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
