She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i was born a porn star she said
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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