he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dicks are not precious.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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