Sponge bath it is.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
