No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
