This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
