Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize