So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
