I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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