So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
