Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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