in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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