Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
