That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
