Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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