sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
