I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
