proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
