Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
