Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
