a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
