I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
