We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
