margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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