just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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