Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
