Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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