had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Where are you guys?
Drunk
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
