the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you traded sex for a burrito?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i am craving dick and cupcakes
A+ Viking dick
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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