Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
