i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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