you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize