fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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