Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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