after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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