Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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