It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
