Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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