Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
